Keep Calm and Carry On

Mak is deploying.

     He is leaving sometime in mid January, and I am due December 29th. He will be gone for 6-7 months. This news came to us pretty suddenly in the past few weeks, as he wasn't expected to deploy until at least next year at this time. But "expect" isn't a word you can usually use with the military. His unit was switched and the next thing you know he's on the deployment schedule for January. Talk about a whirlwind of emotions. This post makes me feel pretty vulnerable, but I think it is a good thing. Thanks in advance for reading it all!
     Those of you who are not in the military have said things like "That's crazy," or "How can they do that  to a family with a newborn?" or "I thought they weren't deploying you for a while?" or "Can't he just go later?" The simple answer to all these questions is that they can do it, and they will. The needs of the Marine Corps and our country is the priority.
     So I have been trying to process all this information and the realization of what is about to happen. In my emotional distress, I figured I can do one of a few things:

Crazytown List
1. Cry everyday until he leaves.
2. Be angry everyday until he leaves.
3. Run away to a tropical destination, Fiji sounds nice.
4. Lock and chain him in a room so he can't go.
5. Call the Commandant of the Marine Corps and tell them they are unfair to do this to us.
6. Toliet paper someone's house.
7. Decide to not be with him anymore.
8. Throw a temper tantrum.
9. Sign up for a reality show like 16 and Pregnant.  (Hey those girls are usually alone with a baby, right?)
10. Write a persuasive letter to my husband's Commanding Officer on why he should not go on this deployment.

Will any of these crazy things stop him from going?  No. Will they make me feel better? No ( Well maybe some of them temporarily, like the tp.) Will they help support him so he can do his job? No. Bottom line...will he still have to go? Yes. So I figure the sooner I can accept it and deal with it, the sooner I can make peace with the situation.

I know some of you are also thinking the famous lines of "Well you knew he would deploy someday" or my personal favorite... "You signed up for this." Yes, I was very aware he would deploy someday, its just that no one thinks it will happen to them at a time like having a brand new baby. But then again, is there ever a "good" time to deploy? This leads to me all the feelings I have. I figure if I get them all out there, at least I can acknowledge I feel this way and hopefully let them go.

Feelings
1.  Sadness: I am sad to think he will miss all the firsts that happen so early on. First smiles, first laughs, rolling over, beginning to eat solid food. I am sad for Avery that she won't have her daddy around to experience all these things.
2.  Fear:  I am scared the baby won't know him when he comes back.
3.  Anxiety: I am nervous about going through all the firsts of a new baby without the support of my husband.
4.  Worry:  I worry for his safety while gone, and worry it will be hard to reintegrate him into our life after getting into a routine as a single parent.
5. Weakness: Sometimes I fear I am not strong enough to handle it all.

I am pretty sure these feelings are all normal. I feel if I can recognize them, I can move past them.

So there has to be positives to this deployment right?

Happy Thoughts
1. I can go back to NY to be with my family. I would not get to be around them so much if Mak was not deploying.
2. I have the support from friends back home while I am there.
3. Avery will get to spend a lot of time with her great grandparents and older relatives that she might not have had the chance to meet otherwise.
4. I will have people around more than I would here in NC. With Mak working 12-14 hour days, I still would be doing a lot by myself everyday.
5. We receive a little extra money each month while Mak is gone. While this by NO means makes up for his absence, it is helpful since I am not working.
6. I get to be around my Mom. So at least I won't feel like I don't know what to do when situations arise with the baby. She is the best.
7. I can focus on the baby and not cleaning up after my husband! (haha joking...kind of)

So what can I do to help feel close to Mak while he is gone? And help Mak and Avery feel close?

Staying Connected
1. Take lots of pictures everyday. Send them through email.
2. Take videos of all the little milestones happening so Mak can experience them.
3. Send care packages.
4. Record Mak reading to Avery so I can play it for her and she can recognize him and his voice. www.astorybeforebedtime.com has a great service for this.
5. Skype!
6. Write down a lot so I can remember to tell him when things happen.

     So here I am making this public declaration. I am accepting this deployment.  I will try my hardest from this point on to be positive and accepting of our situation. No matter how unfair it all may seem to be, it is our situation, it is not going to change, and we have to make the best of it. We are not the first or last family to go through an early separation like this, and many military members even miss the births of their own children. This time will pass and we will be stronger for having gone through it. But again bottom line: I love my husband, and I will do what is necessary to be strong for him so he can do his job and safely come back to us.

Like the famous saying, Keep Calm and Carry On. And I will.